Watch out, I'm a Punjabi!

Do not be surprised, for this event is from the PMO bus too.

It was yesterday when I was getting back from university. Anyone who has had any experience with a semi-military facility will know the hard-core entrance procedure. The requirement is thus: if you're a non-resident, you're supposed to make a call at the main gate to inform your host about your arrival, and then deposit your ID card till departure.

A lot of guests do not make that call, and boy! does it delay the bus every day!

Yesterday was no exception.

There was a Punjabi 'jat' [ جٹ ]-type lady at the back. The guard asked her to show her card and she stood up, completely blocking the aisle. She had a large gold nose-pin of the style preferred by rural women, her 'dupatta' thrown over carelessly and giving the picture of the real 'desi' woman. Milk and it's associated products are loved by villagers in Pakistan. Especially 'desi ghee'. And they feel proud to mention the amount they consume a day!

Even though the trend across the world has changed toward slimness, not in the 'gaaon/pind' [ گاؤں / پنڈ]!

Getting back to the lady. After she had stood up, she placed both hands on hips.
The guard was one burly fellow too with moustaches so long they seemed to get into his mouth every time he spoke. Dressed in the green soldier’s uniform he crossed his arms across the chest and braced for a fight. One Punabi pitted against the other.

And so began their diatribe. I'll write it in Punjabi first for those who can understand, and then in English [though sadly, the translation will remove some of the funny essence from the dialogue]

:خالہ 

 !اوے

!مینڈا پرآ اتھے  ڈریور  اے  اور الله ناں شکر اے  کھاندے پیندے کار تو اے

 ! ہینرڑ مینڈے نال پنج بچے ,ماں بس توں توں نہیں لا  سکنا 

:گارڈ 

! خالہ ، تساں  اترنا  ای  پیسی ، اے ہی اصول  اے

:خالہ 

چنگے او  تسی لوگ وی ، عورتاں  ناں کوئی لحاظ  ای  نہیں ! مینڈ ے  کول  فون  اے ، میں  ہونڑے  ملانی  آں  کال ! پتہ  لگ  ویسی  آ

:گارڈ 

.نہیں  خالہ ، ایجوں  کم  نہیں  بنڑنا ، اترنا  تی پیسی . بچی  آں  ہی  پیج  چھوڑو

:خالہ 

!ایڈا  توں ******! چلو  بچو ، اترو  تھلے ! دسںے  آں  انناں ہونڑ 

Lady: 'Oi, you cannot get me off the bus! My brother is the driver here and is from a well-to-do family by the grace of God. And I've *emphasis* 5 children, who are you to ask me to confirm?'

Guard: 'But Miss, you have to. It's standard procedure!'

Lady: 'Right, then I have a phone with me. I'll call him and he'll tell you. No shame at all, asking women to get down!'

Guard: 'Miss, I'm sorry, but I can't. According to procedure you HAVE to get down and call from the booth.'

Lady: 'You *beep*, have you NO shame? Fine, *beep*. (calling all her children) Get up, and come down now! We'll show them what they asked for!'

She almost hit the guard in the chest and got down with her brood she was so proud of. One would have thought they were something like her too, but they were timid as hell. They just looked at their feet, shuffled nervously and began to get down.

Lady: 'Oi you, *beeps* get down FAST! Stop acting like cowards and be like MEN!'

! چودھری لے  بھی  پوؤ ، مڑد  بنڑ  کے  دسسو ، اسی  وی  چودھری  آں 

I could hear her shouting even once inside the booth.

Watch out, I'm a Punjabi, she seemed to say.

The scene was hilarious, really!