Ashes

She found herself having flashbacks to a time they could have had together, but never did. It would seem strange to anyone hearing this for it is absurd, how can someone have flashbacks to something that hasn't even happened? But it is true. That is how her mind worked, building up real enough stories in her head. Portraying themselves as the persons she wanted them to be.

Reality did not matter and the dreams were wretched. They made her live in a world she knew all along was unreal yet felt like her only abode. Her only hope of retaining semblance of sanity. The bitter addiction of a torn mind. She knew the real world demanded her attention and there were things she needed to focus on. There was an urgent pile of undone tasks waiting to be looked after; discarded paper lying all around screaming to be read. Yet she didn't care, or in any case couldn't. Her mind wouldn't let her. Her heart was in a different realm altogether. Much as she forced it to come back she failed. Failed every time she tried. Failed harder and harder.

The endless positive loop of feedback.

It had happened before and she had vowed herself, never again. She had built up an elaborate, intricate structure to help herself climb slowly out of the imagined realm. Slowly and steadily. And she thought she has succeeded too, had finally won over the difficult battle. But she was no Caesar, she was no Columbus.  She was just a plain unknown girl and the new paths to forgetfulness were beyond her scope to discover.

And so it happened.

The slightest touch, the merest idea, the meekest glance and the structure she had shielded herself in came tumbling down. It melted right in front of her.

She watched it go up in flames, heard the fire crackling. Felt the heat in all its entirety.

And what could she do?

Just stand and stare and stare.

At her only shield go up in flames.

At her last defenses burn to ashes.

And she did just that.